seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
