He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize