This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
