There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
