Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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