I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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