While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
