on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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