He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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