I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
