it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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