she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
