She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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