I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
