Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
