i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
