everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
