About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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