Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
