No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
