i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
