did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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