I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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