Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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