If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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