I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
