You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
