Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
