i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
