You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
