after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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