I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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