Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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