im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
