I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
