the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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