I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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