I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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