it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
