She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
