this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
