Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize