I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
