No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
