I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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