He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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