I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
