'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
