The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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