dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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