I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
