This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Damn victory sex feels great
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
