i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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