literally had 100 drinks last night.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
