im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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