He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
