My sheets look like a crime scene.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
