I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You pole danced in your parka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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