Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize