is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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