I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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