I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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