why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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