I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
