What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
