It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the day after is always just damage control
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to calm my uterus...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
