thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize