and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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