One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
