So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize