i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
