all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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