just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
