he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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