When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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