well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
