I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize