saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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