Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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