No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
