i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
