Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize