Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
More tranny stories later!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
