The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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