something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
