he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
