It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
