so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Boobs speak an international language.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
