haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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