I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
