Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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