he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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