Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
