um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
