Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
