I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
