That's intense
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
