Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
