I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
sex in a hospital.. check
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
