No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
