You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
