i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
