i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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