Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
