i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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