The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
