i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
